Last week I talked about a concept we call The Model which shows the inter-relationship between what happens in our life which we call a circumstance and our thoughts, feelings, actions, and results.
circumstance – leads to thought > causes a feeling > drives an action = creates a result
What Exactly Is A Circumstance?
A circumstance is just the facts of our life. It can be what another person said, what happens in our day, and even our past. All of these things just are, they just exist. Here are some examples: You are 45 years old. You are married and have two kids. You work at a law firm and drive a 10 year old car. You’re father died when you were 3. You won $100 on a lottery ticket. You spilled your coffee on your clothes on your way to work. Your husband has cancer.
Circumstances Are Always Neutral
What do you mean neutral? What I mean is that circumstances, the facts of our life, are neither good nor bad. They just are. This can be difficult to accept at first. Of all the examples above, you may be thinking how can spilling coffee not suck? How can cancer not be bad? But its true that neither of those things are inherently bad. I know because people will have different views about them. One person may be furious for spilling coffee, while another may think its no big deal, they have an extra shirt at work. Even cancer is not inherently bad, it just is.
Why Should I Care?
So often we think on default about the circumstances in our life that we don’t even realize what we’re thinking. Or, we judge the circumstances based off our culture, or our upbringing and never even question if that is how we want to think.
When you really and truly understand that all the things that happen in your life, what people say, and even your past is neutral, then you will have freedom. It is not what happens to you that determines your fate, but rather how you think about what happens to you. You have all the power and can then choose how you want to think about those things.
Notice Your Circumstances
I challenge you to start to take notice and separate out the circumstances of your life from your judgments. This is the first step in taking control and responsibility for you life. Read my earlier blog called Cancer As A Circumstance.
Stay Tuned. Next week I’ll discuss our thoughts.