Fear Once Served Us
Fear is a very unpleasant emotion. Back in caveman times it kept us alive. Now, it just paralyzes us when we need to move forward most. When we make decisions and take actions from a place of fear, it usually feels terrible. Our actions may be frazzled or hurried, our decisions plagued with worry and uncertainty. With cancer, its a situation we find ourselves in all too often.
Turning To The Dark Side
Not long ago I discovered that my ten year old daughter had taken her dad’s phone and on a dare sent a text to one of his contacts she didn’t even know. In the text she said “you are fat and ugly”. I found out from the person herself who thought the phone had been hacked. When I realized it must have been my daughter, I was horrified. Immediately I thought to myself, this is when she goes to the dark side. She is acting out. Eventually, she’ll end up in jail… I need to get her some serious counseling ASAP! Seriously, that is what ran through my head. Coupled with feelings of worry and anxiety.
Fear Driving My Thoughts
Lucky, being a coach, I reached out and got some coaching myself from Krista St-Germain (check out @coachingwithkrista.com). She helped me to see that fear was driving my thoughts and actions. That is why I felt so terrible and conflicted about how to help my daughter. She pointed out that moving out of fear to a place of love, will serve me so much better. Once I realized the crazy thoughts I was having and the fear they were creating for me, I was able to let go of them. I could then see that it is not my job to take my daughter’s pain away, even if I could. I can however walk with her and love her.
Making Decisions From A Place of Love
Fear is never the place you want to make decisions from. Yet dealing with cancer, that emotion will come up a lot. Fear is where you brain naturally goes. It’s just trying to protect you, as if that lion was just outside the cave.
First, just recognize that feeling and allow it. Your brain is just trying to help. If you are anxious, hurried, or just generally feel terrible, even after making a decision, then fear is driving you. It is a feeling of powerlessness.
Then, ask yourself what would love do? How would she act? You may make the same choice, but for very different reasons. Deciding and acting from love always feels good.
Click here to sign up for a consult. I will help you build the resilience you need to be a cancer caregiver.