Asking Good Questions

We all have those days when we are frustrated or angry. It seems like everything is going wrong and the world has conspired against us. The worse our day gets, the more we can’t get out of it. In our heads, we have thoughts like:

Why does this always happen to me?

Why am I so exhausted all the time?

When is this going to get better?

How come I can’t get this done?

Why is he so grumpy?

Why do I look so terrible?

Why do they always do that to me?

The list can go on…

It’s totally natural and normal to get frustrated. It’s often easy to see what we don’t want in life or in those around us. When we are already tired and depleted, it’s easy to get frustrated with all that we see that is wrong. Asking ourselves these questions also becomes a way of expressing that frustration and anger.

Negative Answers

Our brain is a powerful tool. When we focus on something, our brain will find examples of it in the world around us. A good example of this is when you decide to buy a certain model of car, you will start seeing that model everywhere. It’s not that there are more of them, it’s that your brain is now looking for them and noticing them.

Our brain will also answer the questions we ask it. When we ask negative questions, we will get negative answers. 

Why does this always happen to me? 

…Because I’m unlucky.

Why am I so exhausted all the time? 

…Because there is too much to do!

When is this going to get better?


How come I can’t get this done? 

…Because I’m unorganized.

Why is he so grumpy? 

…Because he has always been that way!

Why do I look so terrible? 

…Because I don’t have any time to take care of myself.

Why do they always do that to me? 

…Because they are rude.

Doesn’t Serve Us

When we ask ourselves a question like: Why can’t I… our brain will give us an answer. It will find evidence for all the reasons you can’t do something: I’m too busy, stressed, unorganized, etc. These types of answers aren’t helpful. They don’t provide any solutions. They don’t make you feel better. In fact, they will probably make you feel worse, get more angry, or more frustrated.  

Using our brain to focus on what is wrong, what we don’t like, or what we don’t want doesn’t serve us. It’s not an effective use for this powerful tool we have in our head.

Harness The Power of Your Brain

As I said before, your brain will find answers for the questions you are asking it. It will go to work for you. You want to put it on a task that will serve you. 

The way to do that is to ask yourself useful questions. Here are some examples:

How can I nurture myself today?

What are the three most important things I need to do today?

What is one thing I love about my partner?

What is one thing I love about myself?

How can I connect with my family and friends today?

What is one thing I’m grateful for right now?

What You Focus On You Get More Of

You can see that these questions will give you very different answers. The more you ask them, the more answers you will get. Your brain will start to focus on and see all the ways you can nurture yourself, all the things you love about your partner, and all the things you love about yourself. Your brain will give you more examples and evidence for what you ask it to focus on. 

Try It!

This takes some practice. A lot of our negative questions are automatic and sometimes even subconscious. You need to apply your awareness to first uncover those negative questions floating around in your head. Then, turn them around so that you are focusing on the answers you do want. Let your brain go to work for you!

Learning how our brain works and how to make it work for you is what I teach my clients. If you are interested in learning more, let’s talk!

Click here to schedule a FREE consult.

3 thoughts on “Asking Good Questions

  1. This excellent specific advice! It is true. What one focuses on one can manifest. Thank you so much!

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