This is the second of a two part series on goal setting for caregivers. This post will teach you how to set goals in a brand new way! Be sure to read my post on why goal setting is important and totally worth doing, even while you are caregiving (click here to read it now). Read both before you set any goals this year!
Goal Setting, Really? Now?
YES! Even when you have a partner with cancer. A lot of you have stopped dreaming. I know it’s painful when none of those dreams come true. It’s easier to just stop trying altogether. That way, you won’t disappoint yourself. Or maybe you’ve been striving all your life and now you are just tired! You just want to relax. You’ve got so much on your plate already!
I understand those feelings. However I want to teach you goal setting in a new way. A way that focuses your brain on growth while also generating a sense of abundance and accomplishment for the things in your life you already have achieved. I learned this approach on goal setting from my coach and mentor, Brooke Castillo of The Life Coach School.
The Problem With The “Old” Way
The problem with the way you were taught to set goals is that you are wanting from a place of lack. You think you’ll be happier when you make more money, lose weight, get a better job or relationship. When you set goals, it’s with this idea that happiness will occur when you achieve these things. I know that is what I did. It was all about the “getting” of the goal. I was ultimately after happiness.
If you have read any of my blog posts, you know that happiness is an emotion and all emotions come from our thoughts. So, while you may feel happy about achieving a goal, your capacity for overall life happiness will be not greater than it is at this moment.
The second problem is that setting goals from this perspective generates a feeling of lack in your current life because there is no recognition of what you have already achieved. You don’t see or acknowledge what you already have, and I guarantee that there is a lot you have already done in your life!
So let’s get to it!
Here are the 5 steps to setting goals from abundance.
Step One – Allow Yourself To Dream
Take a few minutes and really allow yourself to dream. This may be hard for some of you. Many of you are so depleted or are constantly putting out fires that you haven’t allowed yourself to dream in a long time. Tell yourself that it’s safe to dream. You may need to remind yourself that dreaming is not about being happier, it’s about evolving.
Step Two – Make A List On Paper
Make a list of 25 things you want. For the first item list something you want and don’t have. For the next item, list something you want AND you already have. Keep alternating. You will end up with a list of 13 things you want and don’t have currently and 12 things you want and already have.
For example: I want to make $75,000 in my business. I want to work as a Life Coach. I want to spend a weekend at a cabin in the snow. I want to work from home. I want to get in biking shape so I can go on long bike rides this summer.
The first thing I want and don’t yet have. The second thing I really wanted for a long time and now have. I love working as a Life Coach. I really want to spend a weekend at a cabin in the snow and that is something I haven’t done yet. I also really wanted to work from home and now I do. Do you see that I’ve included things I really wanted and already have along with things I don’t yet have?
This is the key to generating a sense of abundance when goal setting. You want to feel that abundance when you are making a list of the things you want. Really feel the want of the things you already have in your life. Wanting new things is just adding to the abundance you already have in your life.
Step Three – Pick One To Set As A Goal
Review your list and pick out one that you want to strive for. Don’t overthink this. Don’t worry about picking the “right” one or one that is “achievable”. Remember, this process is about furthering your growth and creating a life you want. It’s OK if the goal feels a little impossible. Remember, you get to decide what “failure” means at the end of the year. Success may also look different than you first expect. It took me two years to realize my goal of being a full time Life Coach. Now that I did it, it doesn’t matter how long it took!
Make sure your goal is specific. Include as many details as possible. Exact details of the goal, time when it will be complete and any other details you can include. You don’t have to worry about how you are going to make it happen, you just need to have a very clear picture of what achieving that goal looks like.
Step Four – Allow The Emotions
This is the most important step. The minute you pick a goal and commit to it, you will feel fear, doubt, and shame. Sounds fun, right? The brain doesn’t like change, so it will freak out a bit at the prospect of going for this goal. That’s OK. Let it freak out.
I don’t know… confusion
Maybe it’s not the right time… doubt
I don’t want to work that much… fear
Notice the thoughts and emotions. This is just what happens when you go beyond your comfort zone. Write them all down so you can see them for what they are, just thoughts. If you are struggling, find a coach to help you with this part. If you don’t freak out a bit, then you are not pushing your comfort zone. I recommend dreaming a little bigger!
‘I don’t know’ is one of the biggest dream stealers of any thought I’ve ever come across.
Brooke castillo
I remember vividly doing this process for the first time. We were camping and I decided to write my list. That was when I decided that I really wanted to be a Life Coach. I remember being afraid to write the words down on paper. Literally. I had to make myself do it. It felt like such a commitment. I felt so scared of trying to do something I had never done before! Looking back, I’m SO GLAD I had the courage to dream again. I am now doing a job I absolutely love and believe in with all my heart! It started with a simple sentence on paper.
Step Five – Go To The Future
The last step is to go to the future in your mind where this goal is already done. Imagine how you will feel. Imagine your future self telling the tale of how you achieved your goal. That is your action plan. Write that down. It’s what you will use to get to work. As you get to work, you will continue to enouncouter doubts and fears and limiting beliefs. This is what you will have to work on in order to grow. This is the real point, because as you work through these thoughts and emotions, you will begin to uncover the greatness that already exists within you.
Even While Caregiving
I recommend this process even if you are currently caregiving. I know many of you will struggle with that and feel like you simply don’t have any more bandwidth. That is exactly why you need to do this. You need to do it FOR you.
Do you feel like there is no way I can do this right now? Or is it painful even thinking about your own life? That is totally normal and I can coach you through it. The first step to finding out if my coaching program is right for you is to set up a free coaching consultation. We’ll talk through exactly where you are struggling in your life and I’ll help you identify the cause. It’s usually not what you first think! You have nothing to lose and everything to gain!